Tuesday, September 16, 2008

New Topic - Embarrassing Moments in Mommy-ing

We all have them - those moments your kids say something that make you just want to crawl under a rock. The times when your parents find out just how much fast food is really consumed in your home, the times certain personal items are pulled out of your purse into public view, the times a Sunday School teacher is informed that mommy and daddy said they don't ever want to have any more kids. Ugh!

These little moments happen quite often, yet always seem to make us shudder just a bit, bow our blushing head and hope that our memories won't serve any of us well. Kids will say whatever comes to mind, whether good or bad. And some of these embarrassing moments happen even before our kids talk (but can still be attributed to them) ... leaking breasts, a laugh or sneeze that leads to leaking in other places, falling asleep in church meetings in your sleep deprived state.

Aahhhh, the joys of motherhood!

My sister sent this to me last week as she was reminded of something that recently happened to Bert, a proud parenting moment for him! This story just about had me crying, I was laughing so hard. This mom had one of those moments and it was a goodie:

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall. By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco. Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the rest-room. If you'd been one of the ladies in the rest-room that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

'Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?'

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we couldwait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity

Cade continued, 'Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, datsa good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh.. Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!'

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming newborn when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting.

Trying to divert him, I said, 'Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy we'll both have some!'

' No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!' He started to gag at this point. 'Uh oh, Mommy I fink I'm gonna frow up.Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!'

As the gags be came louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

'Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? Iwant you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!' Hegrunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hearfull-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.

'Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?'

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.

'Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.' He started pounding onthe door. 'Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!'

I saw that my 'wait'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, 'Where's the fine print on the'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?'

But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan, where she no longer uses public restrooms.)

Most likely, none of us can top that, but I think we can all agree, that signing away our dignity is a small price to pay to have these beautiful children in our lives. However, I have to admit, I am dying to hear your stories about the things your kids say that make you blush!

I'll share one that happened to Bert at the fair last week in the comments! He'd be so honored to receive a Mommy Award! ;)

4 Mommies Sharing:

Jenny in Utah said...

So this is Bert's story - we were at the fair and it was time for a potty break. The girls went to the Women's, and Bert and the Boy went to the Men's Room.

As Bert was "in the process" and now detained, the Boy started playing a nearby urinal. Bert snapped at his to stop. So, the Boy stopped and then came over to Bert and started asking:

"What's that?"
"What are you doing?"
"What's that thing?"
and on and on

All of the other men in the room were chuckling - more than likely they had been there before.

Bert finished up and washed the boy down from head to toe and we went on with our day.

Jenny in Utah said...

I have to add one that happened to me, and although my kids didn't say or do anything to make this happen, it can be directly attributed to being a mom.

Last year our school hosted a morning breakfast for moms and kids. I was in the first trimester with my latest little guy and sick as a dog. We woke up and dragged ourselves up and out the door. As I am waiting in line I look down and realized my shoes did not match. They were both brown loafer type shoes, but they didn't feel the same when they were on. That was the most disturbing part, that it took me that long to realize my little wardrobe problem.

I pointed it out to the kids and the other ladies around me and we all had a good laugh.

Zombette said...

Well, I certainly can't top the story in the original post and I'm pretty sure Bert's got me beat, too, but here goes: This is a story about my little Ladybug (ya know, Thing 1's age). First, Uncle Zombie (my DH), Ladybug and I were all at the home of DH's good friend. A bunch of other friends were there, too and (for some unknown reason) almost all of these friends children are girls. :-) Well, we had brought a bag of powdered sugar mini-donuts to the gathering and let the Ladybug hold them on the way there. (I should note here that I am not a mother as yet, I am the Ladybug's auntie.) As a not-yet-mother, I hadn't read the part in the 'mommy manual' that states, "When I hold it, it's mine." When we got to the party, all the food went on the table and all the little girls ran off to the 'host little girl's' bedroom. A while later, the Ladybug noticed the mostly gone bag of mini-donuts and said, "Hey! (that stopped all noinse in the room) Those were MY donuts and did you save any for ME? NO!" All the men and boys in the room started laughing and all the women looked away from me (which was unnecessary because I was looking at the floor). Well, the laughing didn't sit well with the Ladybug, so she yelled, "Humph!" and ran up the stairs and straight out the front door. We were in an unknown neighborhood (to her) so I quickly followed. She wasn't even off the front steps when I caught up (thankfully) and, that being the case, I was actually grateful for a reason to leave the room. :-) The Ladybug and I strolled up to the end of the block and back down the other side looking at Christmas lights on houses and trees through front windows. After that, she was fine to come back to the party. Uncle Zombie had run to the corner store for another bag of donuts. I wouldn't have done that...but it was sweet.

Simpson said...

I like reading the embarrassing moments. Maybe I'm the guy who take delight in other people's embarrassing moments.


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